Well, Francesca,I see how you could be concerned about your daughter's cultural identity, especially with the father absent from the picture. However, living in SF, there is a strong Chinese community there. When I visit SF, I often stay in China Town. You could look at the local community papers to see if there are any ads for Chinese community activities. That would give you a chance to expose your daughter to her Chinese ancestry. But, because it would be a community type activity there would more than likely be a gathering of many others that enjoy the culture also.
I wish I could give you some information on resources for your cross cultural class, but it has been a while since I took a similar class in college. However, I do have notes from many of my well liked classes and will see if there are any resources listed. Good luck with your paper!

Oh, I forgot to mention that I also have a daughter and I am thinking about having another. My daughter is a lovely mixture of Japanese, African American, and Hispanic. If and when I have any other children, they will be a wonderful mixture or Japanese, African American, and Caucasian. The more the marrier!

Luckily, you were raised in California and not, like, Idaho or Kentucky. Not to say anything bad about them, but like many other states in America, especially in the mid-west and such, there is not a whole lot of diversity there. You also live in the Bay Area, and San Francisco has an enormous Asian population. I don't know if this is a fact but I live in Oakland and it is also very largely Asian, mostly Vietnamese I believe.
Anyway, I think there are plenty of opportunities for you to help your daughter experience her culture. There are many schools that she can go to learn her language, history, and be around other children from her culture. You could learn to cook Chinese food (and not only the americanized kind that restaurants have become so fond of), maybe even learn to speak a little of the language. Have you seen the Sex and the City episode with Charlotte and her would-be adopted Mandarin baby?

Yes, I'm answering two years later, I don't care.

Hi Francesca.

I want to address your second question of raising your daughter. I am Mexican (mom) and Irish/German (dad), and I don't know my father; my mom left him when I was two months old. So I think, to a certain extent, I can offer some light for being raised with a Mexican American mother, and not knowing my father, and my issues of culture/identity.

First, culturally I identify as being Mexican American, though I have fair fair skin, and most people assume I'm white. I have been brought up with a Mexican family, with Mexican morals, ethics, religion, foods, paradigms. Not entirely (with a vegan, hindu lifestyle), but those deep roots in morals still shine though hard. I don't really have issues with not knowing my father's culture, as he was never around. But my mom has been engaged several times, and I have always have strong male figures in my life teachers, coaches, family friends, uncles, etc. My mom's partners have been Caucasian, so I don't feel like I've really missed out on that culture, because we've done things like holidays with families, and being in Southern CA, it's so diverse, it's normal to eat many different types of foods all the time.

I honestly hope that your daughter doesn't have the same issues that I have of being denied her culture based on her skin color. But I think it's important to teach her that she is mixed, and that she should be proud of all the parts that make her beautiful. She should learn that the color of skin doesn't identify who she is, but the things on the inside. I still struggle with the idea that I have pale skin because I don't look like my family, and I'm "too white". I think something that will help is to teach her the history of both heritages, struggles, cultures, languages, foods, religion, etc.

Also, in terms of not having a father, this is kind of off topic, but not because I was talking to my mom about this last night:
1. I told my mom in our conversation yesterday, that though I don't have a "Dad", I've never felt like I was missing one. I had teachers, coaches, uncles, friend's dads who checked up on me. There were always men who cared for me, who I could go to when I had problems, and who cared about what I was doing. My mom had made a mistake in thinking that she HAD to marry someone so that I could have a dad, and in that time, ended up not spending enough time looking for quality partners, but men who she thought might be good for me. Turns out none of them were. I hope you don't feel like this with your daughter. As long as there are good men in her life, she won't feel like she is missing out.

2. I also was talking to my mom about my first Therapist. She put me into therapy when I was 6-8. We had just gone through some dramatic things, and my mom had just had a breakdown and a deep depression. I told her that I didn't understand why I went to Gordon (his name), because I was so young, I both didn't know my own emotions, and I didn't have the skills to articulate them. All I could remember was playing games with him, and one day he got me mad, so I popped him in the nose. She told me that the reason was that he validated me. He never told me I was wrong, and always accepted my emotions, and let me know that I was OK just by playing with me, or interacting with me. I then realized that being able to see him, as a young girl with no father really impacted the relationships that I have now. I don't attract men who are not present like my father, but men who will validate and love me, like Gordon did.



So, I know that this response if two years later, and I'm sure much has happened since. But I thought that it was important to answer.

this is hard. i've had to move for work into an anglo community. my wife is anglo, and my kids are even lighter than me so are never mistaken for aboriginal, and so integration for them is looming. i am thousands of miles away from extended family. sometimes i worry that my kids' father-side identity is getting washed away now that they no longer live in an indigenous community. i do men's things with my son to make sure he doesn't forget who he is. but i worry about my daughter, as i find it hard to connect with her in that role.